Nowadays, divorces are nothing unusual – in fact, about half of all marriages end in divorce.
Of course, though it is becoming more common nowadays, children are often the ones who suffer. They are sometimes forgotten amidst all the bitterness; they get damaged while their parents fight.
While some couples handle their divorce proceedings in a civilized manner, others let things take a much more emotional turn. It’s clear that the consequences of such an approach are felt for years to come.
When a lawyer met a woman filing for divorce, he assumed it would follow the usual procedure.
However, this woman’s story – one of violence and torture – would shake him to his core.
The following story is true and published in the book Chicken Soup for the Soul: Moms Know Best.
The incredible story of Bob
“I am a divorce attorney.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve heard and seen it all. But ten years ago, a woman with an entirely new story walked into my office and neither my life nor my practice has been the same since.
Her name was Barbara, and she was brought to my office, wearing a rather girlish outfit, I suspected she was about nineteen and quite innocent.
I was wrong. She was thirty-two, with four children between three and nine years old. I have heard many brutal stories, but the physical, mental, and sexual abuse that Barbara had suffered at the hands of her husband made me sick to my stomach.
Yet she described her circumstances by saying, ‘Mr. Concolino, you know, it’s not all his fault. My children and I have stayed in this situation by my choice; I take responsibility for that. I know that the end of my suffering would only come when I decided I had suffered enough, and I have made that decision. I break the cycle.’
I had studied law for fifteen years at that point, and I must admit that in my mind, I took great pleasure in nailing that guy to the wall.
‘Do you believe in forgiveness, Mr. Concolino?’ She asked.
‘Yes, of course,’ I said. ‘I believe that everything that happens, happens for a reason, and if we try to do good, good comes back. My clients who have never forgiven have only denied it to themselves.’
Those words were so commonplace to me that they practically spoke for themselves. And yet, if anyone had reason to be full of anger, it was Barbara.
‘I also believe in forgiveness,’ she said softly. ‘I believe that if I hold onto anger towards my husband, it will only fuel the fire of conflict, and my children are the ones who will be burned.’
She gave a trembling smile. ‘The problem is, children are very smart. They can see if I haven’t truly forgiven their father… if I’m just saying words. So I really have to let go of my anger.’
‘And here is where I need a favor from you.’
I leaned forward across my desk.
‘I don’t want this divorce to be bitter. I don’t want all the blame to be on him. What I most want is to truly forgive him and to have both you and I behave accordingly.’ She paused for a moment and looked me in the eyes.
‘And I want you to promise to hold me to this.’
I must say, this request went against my best legal business advice. But it fit in with my best human advice, hand in hand.
‘I’ll do my best,’ I said.
The rough ride
It wasn’t easy. Barbara’s husband had no interest in taking the high road. The next decade was marked by his ugly character attacks on her and repeated periods of failure to pay child support. There were even times when she could have had him thrown in jail, but she never would.
After subsequent court sessions that ruled in her favor, she caught up with me in the hallway. ‘You kept your promise, Bob,’ she said, and she laughed. ‘I admit there were times I wanted to curse you for making me stick to my beliefs. I still wonder if it’s been worth it. But thank you.’
I knew what she meant. In my opinion, her ex continued to violate the normal standards of decency. Yet she never retaliated in kind.
Barbara eventually found and married the love of her life. While things were legally settled, I always enjoyed receiving her Christmas card and hearing how her family was doing.
Then one day, I got a call. ‘Bob, it’s Barbara. I need to come in and show you something.’
‘Of course,’ I said.
What now? I thought. How long does this guy keep going at it? How long until she finally cracks?
The woman who walked into my office was lovely and poised, filled with so much more confidence than she had ten years earlier. There even seemed to be a bounce in her step.
As I rose to greet her, she handed me a photo – an eight by ten taken during her oldest son’s final year of high school. John was in his football uniform; his father I saw standing stiff and cold to his left. The boy looked proudly at his mother, who stood close to him, a warm smile on her face. I knew from her Christmas letters that he had graduated from a very prestigious private high school.
‘This was after he made the winning touchdown in the championship game,’ she grinned. ‘Did I mention that game gave their team the number one ranking in America?’
‘I think I’ve heard something about it,’ I smiled.
‘Read the back,’ she said.
I turned the photo around to see what her son had written.
Mom,
I want you to know that you’ve been the best mother a boy could ever have. I know because my father worked so hard to make our lives miserable. Even when he refused to pay anything he was supposed to for school, you worked extra to make sure none of us missed out. I think the best thing you did was what you didn’t do. You never spoke badly about dad. You never told me he had other ‘new’ kids. With all my love, I thank you for not raising us in a home where the other parents were the bad ones, like my friends going through divorces. Dad has been and is a jerk, I know it, not because of you, but because he chose to be that way, I love you both (you’d probably still spank my butt if I said I didn’t love dad), but I love, respect, and admire you more than anyone else on earth.
Love,
John.
Barbara beamed at me. And we both knew it had been worth it.’
What do you think of this incredible story? Share this with your friends if you were also moved by it.
