If you’ve recently scrolled through Instagram or TikTok, chances are you’ve come across the ‘Let Them‘ theory. Created by former lawyer, podcaster, and motivational speaker Mel Robbins, whose videos on the theory have amassed twenty million views, it could assist you in taking control of your life and initiating a transformation.
Based on Robbins’ eponymous book, the essence of the ‘Let Them‘ theory is to allow others to think, say, and act as they wish. While this may seem straightforward in theory, if you find it challenging to accept, it may indicate that you are giving excessive importance to the opinions and behaviors of others in comparison to your own self.
Let Them
This is where ‘Let Them‘ comes into play. Robbins claims, ‘By allowing them to behave as they wish, you gain more control and emotional tranquility for yourself, fostering healthier relationships with those around you.’
To explore this trend further, Women’s Health consulted Jade Thomas, a licensed psychologist and founder of Luxe Psychology Practice, to clarify why the ‘Let Them‘ theory has captured everyone’s interest and who it can benefit. Thomas explains, ‘I believe this theory is so popular because of its simplicity and relatability. Many people get entangled and irritated by the actions, thoughts, or words of others, making this theory provide a straightforward and refreshing perspective.’
How does the ‘Let Them’ theory work?
Imagine this scenario: Your ex is spreading negative rumors about you and distorting a past event involving you. Or perhaps they’ve sent a message to someone that you learned about through hearsay.
Your initial impulse might be to retaliate: question them, defend yourself, or address their behavior. Robbins encourages you to simply allow them to act as they please. Let them speak ill of you. Let them move forward. Let them. This example can be applied to bosses, friends, individuals online, and larger groups of people. The aim is to just let them be themselves.
While it may sound passive, this approach is rooted in the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), according to Thomas. She states, ‘In much of my therapeutic work, I observe that anxiety or stress arises when we lack control, and unfortunately, one aspect we cannot control is others (their actions, thoughts, or speech).’
Thomas elaborates, ‘I frequently guide clients to discern what they can manage and what is beyond their control. I encourage them to focus solely on what they can influence. I help them realize how much emotional energy they may invest in matters beyond their control, resulting in no impact on the outcome. This concept aligns well with Mel Robbins’ theory.’
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What is the benefit of the ‘Let Them’ theory?
By not expending excessive energy on matters beyond our control, we create more mental space for ourselves, our own journeys, and the creation of the life we desire.
‘The ‘Let Them‘ theory helps us shift our perspective, reducing our attention and emotional investment in the actions, thoughts, or words of others, thereby empowering us to take charge of our own lives, which, as Mel suggests, can be emotionally and psychologically liberating, fostering inner peace,’ Thomas affirms. ‘This can benefit anyone.’
How to apply the ‘Let Them’ theory
The ‘Let Them’ theory may be encapsulated in just two words, but it is also expounded upon in a complete book, so if it resonates with you, delving into Robbins’ full discourse is worthwhile. Nevertheless, a brief overview includes:
Let Them
‘Pause before reacting,’ advises Thomas. ‘Release the urge to respond in a stressful manner and remind yourself of what you cannot control.’
Let Me
‘Focus on yourself and what you can manage. What will you say, think, or do? How will your words, thoughts, and actions align?’
Breathe
‘Calm your stress response, compose yourself, and regain your composure. Deep breathing resets your nervous system, as validated by science.’
Thomas further notes, ‘This theory demands practice, as it reprograms your cognitive patterns and challenges your learned responses. Ultimately, attempting to control factors beyond your reach will not alter outcomes or people. Instead, concentrate on managing your reactions and actions.’
